Why are you so shy??

 

 

I felt like having a chat/ type about something that's been on my mind lately. 

Shy- it's a word that has been used to describe me so many times and will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. I've kind of grown to hate it. Teachers, employers heck even my own parents have said it to me so many times I've lost count. I think it's a trait that people simply can't understand. So many times I have been asked why are you so shy??

 

I wish I could answer that easily, but I can't. There are probably many reasons as to why I'm personally shy. I know the main one is my weight. I've been through a bit of a crazy journey. Just for the record this isn't me bragging that I've lost weight and now I look and feel amazing blah blah blah  For me the feelings (i.e. shyness) I had when I was bigger haven't left me completely even though I look a tad different. I can only describe being an overweight teenage girl as feeling so pressured and just simply wanting to be invisible. I never participated in class discussions and only spoke to people I knew were nice or of course my friends. I was lucky in the sense that I was never really bullied or anything. For some reason I always imagined people saying and thinking horrible things about me. I guess I still now sometimes think that. I still get nervous about lots of things such as speaking in public, some days walking into a shop, oh answering a phone/ making a phone call can't describe how anxious I get when I have to do that.

Never having been in a relationship, queue the violins haha, I think also has affected my confidence. I find it hard to trust new people so I put a barrier up unless I truly believe someone wants to get to know me. Unfortunately have done this a couple of times only to be disappointed but I know most people have been in that situation. Let's just say I'm not here to only be spoken to when someone's bored and be used... I deserve better then that.

 

Don't get me wrong I'm a hell of a lot better now. If you'd have said to me five years ago that I'd be at university I would have thought you were mad. I am of course the quietest member of my class, some things will never change. Uni has completely put me out of my comfort zone yet I love it because it's done that. The amount of independence and just life skills in general I have learnt are so valuable. 

If it were as simple as to switch off being shy and be outgoing then perhaps some things would be easier. I just think a few people need to be a tad more understanding and know that there's more to someone then just being shy

Currently feeing nervous as I have an induction at a new temporary job today, fingers crossed it goes well!

 

*image used does not belong to me!